Biffy Perdu Visit the band at BiffyPerdu.com or buy Biffy Perdu stuff at Insound.

Right now, with no advance notice, and for reasons we're not going to bother explaining, you must get rid of one album from your record collection. Which title gets the chop?

Biffy Perdu (Vocals, Keyboards): The Small Faces' First Step -- I bought it before I realized that Steve Marriot wasn't singing on the album and that, to my horror, he had been replaced by Rod Stewart.

Eric Lapointe (Drums): Cocktail Shakin' and Stirred -- Presented by Jamz Bee and The Royal Jelly Orchestra. This a cool Toronto cocktail band that performs covers of old Canadian rock hits, like Rush's "Closer to the Heart", Bryan Adams's "Run to You" and Men Without Hats' "The Safety Dance". Although this was a hilarious first, second and third listen... I haven't listened to it since. Everything else in my collection remains closer to my heart.

Isis (Guitar): Biffy Perdu's The Untold Power of the Cosmos/Stapled Down Lust. I heard it sucks. You wake up one morning and discover that you've grown two feet taller overnight. How does it affect your life?

Eric Lapointe: Look mom, I'm no longer a midget!

Isis: I'd finally be able to reach that damn cereal box in the top cupboard.

What's more important: good music or good food? And why?

Biffy Perdu: Good music food is sustenance, music is a stimulant.

Eric Lapointe: Good music... I already eat rice and beans all the time to survive so good food is simply secondary. Though I still make some pretty mean dishes sometimes.

Isis: Don't know if I could live without Alfaghetti.

Would you rather be anal probed by aliens or have a root canal without anaesthetics? Explain your choice.

Eric Lapointe: Ah... I'll go with the alien anal probe because I'd rather have some kinky shit goin' on with slimy aliens than to have yet another appointment with a deranged dentist. The former makes for a better story and would convince your friends that you finally went nuts.

Why does the wheel in the sky keep on turning?

Biffy Perdu: That wheel ain't turning, I am.

Eric Lapointe: Because you keep spinning it.

Isis: You see it too?

You've just been elected to the US senate (if you're not a US citizen, please either pretend you are or move forward on the assumption that you've taken a similar government-type position in your own country). What's on your agenda legislation-wise?

Biffy Perdu: Financial support for the independent music community.

You've just won a contest in which the prize is your "dream car". What make and model of car do you choose? (And no, you can't just take the money.)

Biffy Perdu: Some sort of ridiculously expensive sports car like a Vector, then I'd treat it just like any other automobile I've ever owned-- back it into telephone poles, spill chocolate milk on the seats, etc.

Eric Lapointe: A brand new band van with a TV and DVD player.

Isis: A Batmobile or an ice cream truck.

As an experiment, you spend an entire day with a stick of butter duct-taped to your forehead. What do you learn?

Eric Lapointe: Butter melts when heated and that I'm a really stupid guy.

What's the best way to spend a rainy day?

Biffy Perdu: Rolling around in the mud, preferably with company.

Eric Lapointe: Movies and junk food.

What is the coolest animal to watch a nature show about?

Biffy Perdu: Man.

Eric Lapointe: Either a moose or kangaroo... there are so many.

What do you do now, as a result of widespread internet access, that you didn't do ten years ago?

Biffy Perdu: I save money on pornography.

Eric Lapointe: Communicate as much as I do now with people who live far away.

Who did you last give flowers and why?

Eric Lapointe: A beautiful sweet French lady named Harmonie.

Isis: My mom, for mother's day

The thong: instrument of social change or harbinger of dark times?

Biffy Perdu: A blessed instrument of social change.

The police have just nailed you for some kind of minor infraction. What were you most likely to have been doing?

Biffy Perdu: Urinating in public.

Eric Lapointe: Jaywalking.

Isis: Pimping my band.

Would you shop at a supermarket run by ninjas? Why or why not?

Biffy Perdu: Every goddamn week; as it stands, shopping gives me very little pleasure in life. I am certain that if I felt as though my life was threatened every time I went to market, I would value and cherish what I otherwise consider a mundane experience. Nothing like a bit of adrenaline-fueled shuriken-dodging while you're out there squeezing melons.

Eric Lapointe: Absolutely -- think of the cut quality for bread, meat, etc. Plus they would probably entertain you by slicing people around you. It's just like a GG Allin show -- you got to know where to stand to enjoy the show.

What article (or articles) of clothing do you wish you never had to wear again? Why?

Biffy Perdu: My straight-jacket --it is a sad reminder that I just can't always exert the necessary amount of self control.

Isis: Diapers. I'm all for laziness, but that's a bit extreme.

Tell us about your weirdest experience with a fan.

Biffy Perdu: There is a gentleman who rides around on a motorized cart at every show we've ever played in Vancouver, Canada. I always see him cruising around the bar when we first take the stage, but when our set is over and I seek him out he has always vanished -- and I am left behind to puzzle and wonder.

Eric Lapointe: Being compared to Daniel Johnson when I played solo with my acoustic.

When was the last time you had an entire day to yourself, and what did you do with it?

Eric Lapointe: This past Sunday -- and I wasted it all playing GTA Vice City.

Isis: Friday, I roamed around my apartment naked, screaming old folk songs to the top of my lungs.

What's the stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk? If you're a non-drinker, please limit your self-righteous response to 25 words.

Biffy Perdu: Passed out naked in my neighbour's hot tub.

Eric Lapointe: Make out with Biffy's sister. He caught me in the action and started running after me. Luckily, I managed to outrun the old bastard.

Isis: Walked into sliding glass doors.

What's your favorite thing to do when you can't sleep?

Biffy Perdu: Make pretty girls smile.

Eric Lapointe: Think about nonsense or masturbate.

Isis: Think of you.

What are your fellow band members' most irritating habits? If you have no fellow band members, what are your own most irritating habits?

Eric Lapointe: Biffy farts some bad smells, and as for Angus and Isis -- you'll have to ask me after our summer tour.

Isis: Speaking.

You're making a guest appearance as yourself in the TV show of your choice. What's the show, and how do you fit into the plot?

Biffy Perdu: Six Feet Under -- I'm one of those folks who dies at the start of each show, decapitated and savagely mutilated by a snapped guitar string.

Eric Lapointe: It would be like that Everybody Loves Raymond show... 'cause you know they all really hate his guts. And instead of a wife and family, I'd have my two roomates. One of them alone would make up enough story lines for ten seasons. I'd be running a record label out of my apartment with my label partner Alex (as we bitch at each other to everybody's shagrin) while people pop in to drink beer in the living room. Come to think of it... it wouldn't really be like Everybody Loves Raymond at all.

Isis: I'd live in a trash can on Sesame Street.

A national guardsman from Ohio recently changed his name to Optimus Prime, after the Transformer. If you could change your name to anything, what would you change it to?

Eric Lapointe: In Quebec, there's a big rock star with my name -- he sounds like '80ish Bon Jovi, only in French. I get all of his weirdo phone calls from crazy women who want to have his children. Why would I change my name?

Isis: Occupant.

We're considering lobbying the government to pass a law banning the use of certain overplayed words -- for example, "new", "flaming" and "electric" -- in band names. What other words should be banned?

Biffy Perdu: Jesus, there's way too many Jesus bands.

Eric Lapointe: Biffy Perdu... both of those words should be banned. Who the hell came up with that anyway?

Isis: Boys or girls or anything with the letter E and/or S.

Would you rather tour the world for a year, living out of hotels and minibuses, playing to sellout crowds but estranged from all meaningful interpersonal contact, or be crowned the next indie god(s) but be damned to a lifetime of college radio airplay, widespread obscurity and eventual golden years filled with soundtrack work?

Biffy Perdu: Hotels and minibuses.

What's the most un-rock and roll hobby or interest you have?

Biffy Perdu: Knitting or taxidermy, I'm not sure which.

Eric Lapointe: I wish I still played golf because that would be a good answer.

Isis: Make Christmas crafts with Biffy.

What's the stupidest thing a reviewer ever said about you or your band?

Biffy Perdu: Thank god they're not from Nelson. I still don't know what he meant.

Some of us have side gigs bartending. Help us out by making up a drink that we can name after you and sell to underage girls in midriff tee-shirts.

Biffy Perdu: The Biffy Perdu is one ounce J.D., one ounce Southern Comfort with Coke on the rocks.

Which is a better reason for an R rating -- pointless, arbitrary violence or over-the-top kinky sex that has nothing to do with the story?

Biffy Perdu: Kinky, pointless arbitrary violence.

Which would be worse -- going three rounds with Mike Tyson, or having sex with Anna Nicole Smith?

Biffy Perdu: I'll take my chances with Tyson.

Eric Lapointe: What -- is this even a real question? With Mike Tyson, I'd get my ass kicked. Anna Nicole Smith might not be what she used to be... I'm guessing there'd still be some really good times to be had there. Not much bragging rights, but a guilty pleasure nonetheless.

What's in your fridge right now?

Biffy Perdu: Nutella, gerkins, sour milk, eggs and onions.

Eric Lapointe: Homemade hummus, some vegetables, Cheez Whiz.

Isis: A frozen owl and an alarm clock.

What advice would you give to michael jackson?

Biffy Perdu: Fake your death, gain tremendous amounts of weight and wander the earth revealing yourself occasionally to star-struck fans who will never be believed when their stories run in the National Enquirer, Sun, etcetera.

Eric Lapointe: I think there's no advice I could give to Mr. Jackson that would change anything in his life.

Isis: Get breast implants.